


Mercy

by starlordcarisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 11:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13880340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlordcarisi/pseuds/starlordcarisi
Summary: After a drug deal is busted by the NYPD through a series of trafficking rings, Carisi finds himself in unfamiliar territory when he is injured in the line of duty. Unaware of what may happen to him, Barba fears that he may never get to tell him how much he means to him. (work in progress)





	1. Chapter 1

The sharp cracks of gunshots, the whine of bullets ricocheting off walls and crates in the warehouse, abruptly ceases and the complete lack of sound that replaces it seems deafening. Olivia’s ears actually hurt more from the sudden silence than from the noise that came before, and she strains for any sound of movement. Are the shooters gone, having escaped out the rear of the building? Are they down, either injured or dead? Or are they merely laying low and reloading? Right now it’s impossible to tell, but finding out means risking being shot at again.

She glances across to where Carisi is crouched behind a car belonging to the drug dealer; it won’t be going anywhere soon, it’s full of bullet holes, and two of its tires are flat. Amanda and Fin went around to another location to catch the dealer’s partner in crime. 

Sonny gestures to himself. He’s hit. He’s bleeding. He then gestures around the far end of the car. Olivia nods, indicating that she’ll go the other way, before turning her back on her detective. Keeping low, she creeps around the end of the stack of packing crates she’d taken cover behind when all hell had broken loose.

She moves as quietly as she can, thinking Carisi is doing the same. The silence is tense and almost eerie, making the hairs on the back of Liv’s neck stand on end. It’s the early hours of the morning, pitch dark outside, and the interior of the warehouse isn’t well lit, so there are plenty of shadows to hide in. That’s a mixed blessing because while it means Olivia and Sonny have a better chance of keeping out of sight, so do the people who were shooting at them. 

There’s an open area among the crates where the deal had been going down, the cartel’s man selling his wares to one of the city’s major drug dealers. The briefcase full of product is still sitting open on a crate in the middle of the otherwise empty space. Well, not quite empty; looks like there’s a body on the ground behind the crate. Amanda and Fin have caught up. They look worried, they heard the shots firing and came as soon as Liv radioed in a “10-13”. 

Liv can only see the legs so she can’t tell who it is. It’s a man, one of the dealer’s two guards, but he’s not going to be a problem; he’s dead, shot through the chest. Amanda indicates to Fin, who nods that he understands. That’s two of the four accounted for. Where are the other two?

A faint scuff of shoe-leather alerts Liv, but it’s too late; even as she turns, raising her gun, she finds herself looking down the barrel of a Glock 19. The gunshot that follows isn’t from the pistol aimed at her head but rather from across the warehouse; the Cartel’s representative spins away and falls, gun slipping from his fingers and skidding across the rough concrete to disappear into the shadows. Amanda checks him quickly, not surprised to find him dead.

A trail of blood leads off into the shadows, and joining forces, Olivia follows it, finding the dealer’s second bodyguard slumped behind another pile of crates, bleeding out from a bullet wound in his leg; he’s unconscious. She uses the guy’s tie as a makeshift tourniquet, but it’s impossible to know whether or not he’ll make it. He’s lost a lot of blood. Amanda cuffs his hands behind his back and checks him for weapons anyway, while her partner secures the drugs. At least this consignment can be kept off the streets.

Radioing for a bus and the coroner, the sound of other human voices comes as a shock to Olivia. It’s not until that moment that she realizes she and Sonny haven’t exchanged a single word since they left their car a block from the warehouse. Speaking out loud and hearing other people’s voices after nothing but gunfire and silence for the past thirty minutes or so seems strangely unreal. Olivia circles back around the entrance where she and Sonny were at the beginning of the shootout. A pool of blood has formed around his body. He’s out cold. 

“10-13 10-13” She yells “Officer down. We NEED a bus. Abandoned warehouse on 3rd” She takes off her heavy NYPD issued jacket and presses hard on Sonny’s chest to keep him from bleeding “Carisi, just stay with me. Stay with me”. Amanda and Fin rush over, Carisi looks pale, his breathing is shallow. Blood is coming out of his mouth, the trail flowing down to his ear. Faintly Olivia can hear sirens in the distance, gradually getting closer. All that’s left for them to do now is wait.

Please have mercy on me  
Take it easy on my heart  
Even though you don't mean to hurt me  
You keep tearing me apart  
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart  
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart


	2. Chapter 2

The chief arrived, worried as hell. Even though he can be a bit hard to crack at times, he still cares about people. When he came on scene as they were loading Carisi into the ambulance, the worry turned into fear, into sadness. 

“What happened?” Dodds looked at Olivia, she was wiping Sonny’s blood off her hands. It doesn’t look good. As far as she knows, he’s still unconscious. He’s still losing blood, despite paramedic’s efforts to dress his wounds. Dodds tries to get Olivia to go home and “get off the case”. She snaps at him, she tells him that this is her “detective, she’s not leaving him.” Olivia gets into the back of the ambulance and the doors shut, the ambulance speeds away, hurrying to the hospital. 

Olivia saw the shot before he heard the gun fire. The flash of the muzzle, the crack echoing in the air, and the sound of Sonny crumpling to the ground had all happened in slowed time. He felt like his heart had stopped, actually stopped, and he felt like he was crumpling right there with her. Thankfully Liv was the better marksman and the man who shot him went down missing a chunk of his face.

With light’s and sirens blaring, it doesn’t take long into the ride before Sonny wakes out of his unconscious slumber, his eyes flutter open and he feels an intense amount of pain. All he could think about was Rafael. His short life with him. His engagement. He didn’t want to die, but he was scared he was going to. His eyes got watery just imagining life without Rafael. He could hear Olivia talking to him, trying to keep him calm so he doesn’t move too much and open his wounds any further. Sonny has a blank look on his face, suddenly, everything is white. 

He stopped breathing. 

Olivia and the attending EMT had to get Sonny breathing again. All Olivia could do was watch in horror as the EMT guided her to keep Sonny breathing. One last turn and they were backing into the Emergency bay of the hospital. He called ahead and said to prep everyone to transport Sonny and move him to surgery.

I always remember the smells of hospitals. There's always two right? The first smells, when they drag some poor bastard who's half plasma burns into the room, trying to find some undamaged skin for an IV. Burnt flesh. Burnt human flesh. And the hair. The smell of burning hair lingers. Blood. Sweat. Then what comes after. The disinfectant. The swabbing. The artificial smell. That "piney lemon" smell, one so...everywhere. You smell it everywhere, like it's covering something. You know what it's covering. You know the smells of pain, and dying, and death.

When I got laid up, all I could smell was the second smell. The clean. Wasn't bad. Smelt better than the old folks home back in Staten Island. The smell was everywhere - right up until it wasn't. A gurney had burst into the ward, and just like that, the artificial smell was gone.

The smell in hospitals never leaves you alone after that.

“Liv! What happened? Is Sonny okay?” Rafael was in a panic. His heart was racing. Completely bypassing the fact that he just called Carisi, ‘Sonny’ to Olivia’s face. Even she was stunned by it, but deep inside, Liv knows Rafael has feelings for Sonny.

“He got hurt in the line of duty. Last I heard, he was in surgery. They're trying to remove a bullet from his chest. Hit three times. One in the chest, two in his shoulder, and the last one went in through his shoulder and came out his upper back. When we arrived, he….he stopped breathing. The EMT on board was keeping him alive manually all the way into surgery….-“

Her voice just trailed off into his head. He was already fearing the worst and it wasn’t long until Liv brought him back to reality. Amanda and Fin are in the waiting room, along with 14 other police officers, all sharing looks of distress and worry. Rafael started to choke up at the fear of losing Sonny so soon. Less than a year into their engagement then BAM he gets shot. Rafael thought he would just lose everything, before anything even started. It scared him. 

6 and a half hours have passed since Sonny was wheeled into surgery. Barba hasn’t left his seat once, other than to use the restroom and wash his face. He hasn’t slept. He can’t sleep not knowing if something was going to happen to Sonny. Liv returned with coffee for him. She sat next to him and they talked. Olivia’s been wondering how long they've been dating and if they had planned on telling anyone. A subject that both Sonny and Rafael have agreed on, that they would keep it a secret as long as possible. Rafael starts to get agitated with Liv prodding him for answers, when she finally asks “Why do you care what happens to him?” It sent him through the roof. 

“BECAUSE I LOVE HIM” 

Rafael shouted and everyone turned. They heard him. He didn’t even care anymore. Not about his job. Not about his time as an ADA. Nothing. All he cared about was Sonny. A nurse came in, Rafael still steaming, she informed all of them that Sonny made it out of surgery and that he's resting in room 7. Rafael stared at Olivia, his best friend for 5 whole years. He inhaled deeply then exhaled, storming off to room 7 to see his baby. 

Even with the wounds patched up, Sonny’s body seemed to not be handling the trauma well. The man was feverish, pale and sweating as he slept with his hand intertwined with Rafael’s, and Rafael was trying harder than he could to keep himself calm. Sonny would be fine. He was always fine. They’d both been hurt before, after all. They were both a mess of ropey and puckered scars where armor wasn’t quite enough or didn’t cover.

But bad things did happen. A knot of fear had settled itself deep in Rafael’s stomach.

“I remember when I saw you,” Rafael murmured in the quiet. Even the machines were quiet.

“You were wearing a black long sleeved shirt…and you had on some ripped jeans. Those big blue eyes pointed past me the minute I said I was threatened in the courthouse,” he went on, “my fucking hero.”

His eyes felt hot out of nowhere, hot like Sonny’s skin was both hot and cold, and Rafael wiped at them with the heel of his hand. “I mean, I always kind of hoped for my own knight in shining armor. I got a cop in a henley, but that’s just as good, right? Especially with your hair all shiny in the sun and looking like a wig. Some…old rag or something.”

Raf took a deep breath and cleared his throat. He was beginning to choke up on his tears. “I wasn’t going to tell you until March…we did it Sonny. We did it. Remember Alice from the agency? The woman we matched with, Nikki? She called me and told me that she’s pregnant. She’s been pregnant for almost four months with our child Sonny” He started laughing, out of nervousness “We’re having a boy. I know it’s too soon, he haven’t even set a wedding date yet, but we’re having a baby. He’s going to look like you”

Now his voice was shaking and he hugged Sonny closer to him. The man’s breathing was steady, which was a good sign, but he was so hot and cold. His hands were like ice, from what Rafael could feel of them where they were hiked up under his legs, but his chest was flushed pink. It wasn’t…it was worrisome. And he didn’t even have Sonny awake to promise everything would be okay.

“Don’t you fucking die on me, you hear me?” Rafael prompted. He curled the blankets in closer to them to trap their body heat, and raked his fingers through the Sonny’s hair. Somehow his hair always managed to look perfectly tousled, even without sneaking away for a wash or a trim like Rafael often did.

“Don’t…please, don’t. Dominick, please.”

He lowered his head to rest his forehead against Sonny’s sweaty brow, “I need you.”

“I love you” Rafi said quietly. He’s crying and clutching Sonny’s hand for life, for any sign that he is okay. This is his worst nightmare. Losing his other half, the father of his child, his fiancé…He can’t imagine a life without him. He can’t. 

“I love you” Rafael said again.


	3. Chapter 3

August 8, 2015

It’s been nearly a month since Rafael and Sonny first started talking to each other. It’s been forever since Sonny went on an actual date. The last he could remember was his late 20s and the girl ditched him. Sonny has often questioned his sexuality, but with Rafael? He just feels comfortable. He feels like he can be himself without feeling scared. Today is their first date, and Sonny picked the zoo. He loves the zoo. What’s strange about all of this? Sonny wants to kiss Rafael on the first date, something neither of them ever dreamed of happening. 

“So what do you want to see first?” Sonny says while eating some cotton candy 

Rafi unfolded the map of the zoo and held it out so that both he and Sonny could see. Sonny studied the map for only a few seconds and then turned his critical gaze to Rafael.

“I still don’t understand why we had to pay to visit a small selection of caged animals. I could have flown us to Africa or Asia if I had known you had taken interest in ‘big cats’ and…”

He leaned closer to the map and squinted his eyes.

“…’water fowl.’”

He looked back at Rafael with his head tilted to the side. Sonny rolled his eyes and sent a prayer to any entity listening for patience. It seemed as if he was going to need a lot of it to make it out of this date without strangling Rafael. He smiled in an attempt to regain his composure.

“Normal people can’t go zipping off to Africa to see the cheetahs in their natural habitat,” he patiently explained. “So they settle for taking their dates to the zoo and looking at all the animals there.”

Rafael’s eyes lit up and he smiled. “I get it now,” he said. “You are trying to be romantic.”

Sonny felt his cheeks flush red. He nodded and wrapped his arm around Rafael’s waist, pulling him forward as he began walking.

“So, uh, let’s go see the monkeys first. What do you think?”

Rafael replied, “I think that sounds very romantic.”

Sonny let go of Rafael except for his hand and laughed. He had a feeling this was going to be a first date unlike any other.

Two hours later (and at least 30 minutes of enthusiastically making out after Rafael managed pull Sonny behind the small coffee shop next to the flamingo enclosure), they left the zoo with very cheesy grins plastered on their faces and a stuffed penguin from the gift shop dangling from Rafael’s unoccupied hand. ‘Normal people’ dates weren’t so bad after all, Sonny concluded.

January 1, 2016

“He proposed today  
There were tears of joy  
And cries of happiness  
As two lovers became together  
At the promise of becoming one  
He proposed today”

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!” 

Sonny and Rafael embrace in each other’s arms, passionately kissing one another for several moments in time. It’s his favorite thing to taste, Sonny’s lips always make Rafael feel better. 

“I love you, you know that?” He whispers, Sonny’s hand moving to cover his as they intertwine their fingers, leaning back into his boyfriend.

“I love you too.” Rafael moves, kissing his head. Rafael turns in Sonny’s arms, his hands move to rest on Sonny’s shoulders as he takes in the sight of him. His hair slightly damp and wavy from the recent shower. Rafael smiles and runs his fingers through Sonny’s hair, detangling every kink he can find. He moves one of his hands to push a strand behind Sonny’s ear, Sonny’s hand staying on his cheek as he pulls him into a kiss.

“It only took me a few months before you had me smitten with you. After that first date we went on I remember just thinking, ‘God, I need to marry this boy one day.’ Rafael started mumbling, Sonny was a bit tipsy, unaware of what Rafael was trying to ask him. Sonny nearly choked when Rafael said the word ‘marry’, but with a sip of wine (a bit more than a sip really, but who could blame him, he was nervous) he was all good.

“Married, huh?” Sonny asked with his eyebrows raised. Hey, it wasn’t the best lead in, but it felt right for the moment. Sonny squinted his eyes at him, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Yes…” Rafael answered slowly.

Well, it was now or never.

So Rafael stood, pulling the little box out of his pocket as he got closer to Sonny. The two of them had eyes only for each other as Rafael slowly got on one knee, his heart hammering in his chest.

He opened the box, presenting the ring inside to Sonny. He hoped Sonny would like it. He’d had it custom made; a silver band with angel wings engraved into them.

“Dominick Carisi Junior, it’s only been five months….and I know I’m not perfect at times, and we’ve had our ups and downs, but we stick together through everything. I know life will have more ups and downs waiting for us, but there’s no one else I’d choose to have by my side through all of them. I… I need you in my life, Sonny. You. My angel. You’ve always had my back, and I plan to always have yours. Please, would you do me the honor of being my husband?” Rafael was nearly in tears by the time he finished because every word was true, and because the way Sonny looked at him was just so damn beautiful. The tears that were slowly trailing down his face seemed to catch the light, making it sparkle on his skin.

He was all choked up when he responded, “Rafael Barba, I’d be honored.”

Barely able to contain their joy, Rafael slipped the ring onto Sonny’s finger with shaking hands. And as he stood Sonny pulled him down into his lap, their lips coming together. Rafael tasted the wonderful dinner he’d managed to put together, but underneath that was just the warm, pleasant taste of Sonny. His angel. His fiancé.

When Rafael felt Sonny’s tongue tracing at his lips he opened his mouth for him. The two of them moaned together as the kiss deepened. Rafael battled him for dominance, not really because he wanted dominance, but the way their tongues danced was enjoyable. Sonny hummed into his mouth with contentment before pulling away. The two of them were breathing heavily, staring into each other’s eyes. Rafael leaned forward and brushed their noses together as the two of them smiled.

Rafael whispered, “I guess now you can say you really are engaged.”

Sonny cradled Rafael’s head in one hand, making sure the metal of the ring grazed his scalp.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”


	4. Chapter 4

Sonny had a feeling that he slept in, was it Sunday?, must be. He hears noises and tries to focus on them. His level of consciousness begins to increase as he tries to get a grip of what is happening around him. Hospital´s staff is normally much quieter.

More and more, Sonny realizes that he is extremely uncomfortable. His back hurts, his chest hurts, his limps weigh a ton. He feels so tired, but he tries to move. He can, but it takes all his energy. Meanwhile, the unfamiliar noises persist, there are bleeps, beeps, and voices but none of the voices are familiar. His eyelids feel like they are stuck with glue.

But then suddenly, it hits him like a Mac truck, he isn´t breathing. All of a sudden, his mind is working a mile a minute to make sense of what is going on. Did they drug him that bad that he stopped breathing? His throat hurts and there is something inside, his mouth is dry and he isn´t breathing. Sonny tries to take a breath, but it feels like he is trying to breathe through a straw and right at that exact moment a gulf of air is forced into his lungs. An alarm increases close to his head. He starts to cough and an even more annoying alarm goes off by his ear. So, half asleep, groggy and disoriented, Sonny just wants to get that thing out of his mouth and go back to sleep. So he grabs the thing that is in his mouth and pulls. His throat feels like it ripped open and suddenly alarms go off, people start shouting. And suddenly he hears a familiar voice demanding what is going on. 

Rafael…

“Baby stop. JUST STOP” Rafael yells at Sonny so he’ll stop pulling at the breathing tube in his throat. A nurse comes in and helps him remove the tube so he can’t damage his vocal chords anymore. But they have to reinsert a new tube, his oxygen levels are still low because of the bullet hole in his chest. The nurse put a new tube in, she sedated Sonny so he doesn’t attempt to tear his tube out again.   
The next day, Sonny is agitated and the nurse ups the drip, but Sonny keeps fighting the restrains, he is clearly in distress. Rafael goes to find a nurse and she tells him she will send for a doctor to check the amount of sedation. When the doctor comes in, Rafi explains that he thinks Sonny is distressed because of the restraints and asks if there is any other way they can keep Sonny from pulling IV´s or tubes without increasing the sedation. The doctor orders mitts and half an hour later, a nurse comes in with two mitts. Rafael looks at them as if they are torture devices, but the nurse explains to him that Sonny´s hands will be placed inside the pouches, and because the palm side it padded, Sonny will not be able to grab anything as he won´t be able to flex his fingers. She places Sonny´s hands in the pouches and fastens them around his wrists and removes the wrists restrains. Sonny immediately settles down when he feels he can move his arms freely. Rafael sighs his relief and sits down in the chair the nurses brought into the room, when they noticed when Rafael was not going anywhere. The nurse smiles and tells Rafael that Sonny is doing well and they soon will start weaning him off the propofol.

The next time Sonny wakes a bit, he is again welcomed by noises he doesn´t know, he wants to move and a hand is placed on his arm.

"Hey Sonny, take it easy, you are intubated, leave the tube alone." Rafael mumbles tiredly.

Sonny instinctively puts his hand toward his mouth but there is something on his hand, and he tries to shake it off.

"Dom, listen to me, those are mitts, you can´t take them off, they prevent you pulling on your tubes. Just go back to sleep, I am here when you wake."

Sonny is relieved Rafael is there and lets himself fall asleep again.

Over the next couple of days, Sonny manages to stay awake longer and longer until the doctor thinks it is safe to extubate* him. After the unpleasantness of it, Sonny is tired and falls almost immediately back to sleep. When he wakes, Rafi informs him that he shouldn’t to try to talk as his throat needs some time healing. Raf feeds him some ice chips and they feel like they are a gift from the gods. When he is more awake, a nurse comes in to remove the mitts as long as Sonny promises to stay away from the IV´s, which he confirms by giving a weak nod. It feels good to flex his fingers, they are stiff from disuse.

He still has a long way of recuperating, but he will get there.

It’s been nearly a week and a half since Sonny was admitted to the hospital and he’s getting stronger. He’s able to speak, but his voice is hoarse. Raf stops by after work just to be with him. Over the course of the week, Raf, the squad, and Sonny’s family all came in to pray for him in the room. Even as tough as Rafi is, praying for someone he loved really tugged at his heart because he was still in fear he may lose Sonny. 

“What happened to me?” Sonny looks shocked and surprised to see his chest bandaged up and he can feel a stinging sensation each time he tries to move

“You were shot in the line of duty…You’ve been out for a while. You’re going to be okay” Raf assures him while his hand rests on his cheek. 

“How are you feeling?” He countered, looking over Sonny’s injuries. “It looks worse than it feels” Sonny lied, somehow not wanting him to see his vulnerability. “That’ll be the painkillers” Raf replied, signaling to the drip attached to his arm. 

“I thought I’d lost you” he then said suddenly, he genuinely looked afraid and his bottom lip shivered. “I heard about it on the news…Cop gets shot in the line of duty, I dropped everything, hoping, praying it wasn’t you. I got here and Liv said you were in surgery, that you were unconscious but nobody wouldn’t tell me anything else”

“Well, I’m here now. Nobody can kill me. Seriously.” Sonny laughed then winced with pain, even laughter caused him a great deal of discomfort. Raf looked at him, he felt sad. Seeing his fiancé hurt like this? It caused him pain. Everything Sonny feels, Rafi felt. He looked deep into those blue eyes of his and ran his fingers through his hair, placing a kiss on his forehead. 

“Don’t do that again…I can’t lose you Sonny. I can’t. You’re the most important thing in my life right now…I just can’t imagine living without you” Rafi’s eyes begun to water. He was tearing up again. Just imagining life without Sonny. A couple days ago, he had a nightmare about it. He woke up crying, screaming nearly. Whenever he has nightmares, Sonny is there to make it better, but he wasn’t there. Raf didn't know what to do, he just cried himself back to sleep on Sonny’s side of the bed, pretending that hugging his pillow was just like hugging Sonny. The thought of losing his best friend? It terrifies him. 

“I won't Rafi, I won’t. I’m so sorry” Sonny held his hand and was mindlessly tracing a pattern with his fingers on Rafi’s veins in his hands. Often times when Rafi cries, simple things like that will soothe him. Raf longs for comfort and touching when he’s sad, something he rarely experienced as a child. Sonny too sometimes. 

“There’s something I need to tell you”

Sonny sat up in his bed, unaware of the surprising news he’s about to receive. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing….Just, remember around last year we had started looking into adoption or possibly getting a surrogate because we wanted kids?”

“Yeah…” Sonny looks confused. Raf leans back and pulls his phone from his suit pocket. He unlocks it and pulls up the photo Nikki, their surrogate sent him a week ago. He also has a video of the ultrasound. 

“We did it”

“Did what? Who? 

Raf turns his phone around and shows Sonny the photo, it’s the sonogram. Then he shows him the video where the baby is moving in the ultrasound. Raf starts laughing and crying. Sonny’s face lights up and he starts crying. He can’t believe it. He’s going to be a dad. Other than marriage, this is something he’s always wanted. He wants nothing more than to be a parent with his best friend and his lover. Now that opportunity is going to come.

“I-I can’t believe it…When is she due?”

“August” Raf smiles “We have a LOT to get done”

“What are we having?”

“A boy. He’s going to look like you. Blue eyes, blonde hair, that’ll turn brown after a while…he’s going to be perfect. Just like his daddy”

“I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad” He’s sobbing.

Him and Rafi hug tightly. They enjoy each other’s embrace. A baby is something they’ve always wanted. Something that will be half Sonny and half Rafael. The best of both worlds from the best parents in the world. When they break the hug, Sonny looks back at the ultrasound video. He talks to it as if the baby can hear. It makes Rafael laugh, Sonny is the biggest dork. But he’s Rafi’s dork. 

“We’ll see you soon baby Barba-Carisi” 

“Yeah, we will” Rafi rubs Sonny’s arm

“I love you”

“I love you too” They kiss and hug one more time. 

Finally, they will be parents. 

 

*Extubate - removing a tube from hollow organ/passageway


	5. Chapter 5

It’s been two weeks since the shooting occurred. Sonny was released from the hospital and he’s lost weight, but his skin color has restored. Raf brought Sonny home with the doctor’s instructions to only give Sonny pain pills every six hours and not let him perform any strenuous tasks. Gunshot wounds were not something to take lightly, especially when severe pain was also involved. The whole way home Rafael asked Sonny how he was feeling, if there was anything he could do. He was met with a sarcastic remark each time.

Rafi carried a wobbly Sonny to bed and tucked him in—“What am I, five?”—allowing Sonny to take two pain pills before his head rested on the pillow.

“Raf,” He said. “I’m sleepy.”

“It’s the pills, the doctor said they would knock you right out.”

“You’re gonna stay, right? Like you did in the hospital?”

“Course,” Rafael said. “Got nothing better to do than watch your stupid ass.”

“You love my stupid ass,” Sonny mumbled and Rafael didn’t respond because that was true in so many ways.

“Sleep, Son,” Raf replied. “You need rest.”

Sonny struggled to keep his eyes open. “Slept in the hospital.”

“Sleep now.”

“Don’t go,” Sonny whined.

“I’m not,” Rafael promised. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

Sonny shook his head. “I mean stay here. In the room. With me.”

Rafael swallowed nervously. It was everything he wanted, and in a scenario he dreaded. “Dom…”

“Come on, I have been shot. The least you can do is stay to make sure I don’t fall out and shoot my own eyeball.” Sonny grinned and all it took was his adorable dimples for Rafael to collapse on a chair.

“Alright, I’ll stay right here.” Rafael ran a hand over his face. “The things I do for you, Dominick Carisi Junior.”

“Yeah, sitting in a chair must really take it out of you,” Sonny mumbled. There was no venom in his exhausted voice. Rafi couldn’t hide his grin at Sonny’s tone. “Shut up,” Sonny said. “Asshole.”

“Go to sleep, Dominick.”

“G’night.” Sonny was asleep before Rafi could respond.

Rafael tried incredibly hard not to lie down next to Sonny. His body—or maybe his hormones—was screaming for him to curl up next to the man he loved. God, fuck these emotions. Why couldn’t things just be simple? Why did Rafael have to fall in love with Sonny, out of all the people in the world? He took a shaky breath and moved his chair closer so he could rest his hand on Sonny’s head the way he did at the hospital. Sonny seemed to lean into the touch even though he was asleep. 

Rafael let his mind wander as he stroked Sonny’s soft hair. The first time he’d met Sonny his puppy dog demeanor had immediately attracted Rafael. He was sweet in a way that most people took for granted. Raf knew it was special. He knew it was special to find someone who was gentle and kind hearted even to people he’d just met. Sonny hadn’t held back when he’d met Rafi. He wrapped his arms around Raf in a bear hug and he had laughed.

Raf woke hours later and glanced at the clock. It was 8:00 pm. They’d been out for a while. Of course, they had also been at the hospital and Rafi’s been at work and worrying about Sonny’s health, so maybe it hadn’t been that long at all. The doctor had instructed Raf to wake Sonny occasionally to make sure he hadn’t drifted into unconsciousness. Rafi touched Sonny’s shoulder lightly and was grateful when blue eyes looked up into his. “Oh, good, you’re alive.”

Sonny yawned. Rafael shouldn’t find it adorable but dammit, he does. “Yeah, unfortunately. I feel like hell.” Sonny stretched and winced as his shoulder gave a flare of pain. “Can I have another pill?”

“Six hours, Dom. It’s only been four.”

“Rafffffff….” Sonny whined. “It hurts.” Sonny looked at him with puppy dog eyes and Rafael nearly caved.

“When it’s your safety at stake, the eyes won’t work, Sonny.”

Sonny weakly swatted at his fiancé. “Whatever you say, Raf. I’ll get you to give in to me eventually.”

Rafi ignored him. “Hungry?”

“Always. Gonna bring me breakfast in bed?”

“It’s eight at night.”

“Dinner in bed?”

Rafi stared into Sonny’s teasing eyes and then sighed in defeat. “This is a one time thing. And it’s only because you’re injured, so don’t go getting ideas once you’re healthy.”

Sonny grinned. “Getting food delivered to me in bed? I might have to get injured more often.”

“Please don’t,” Rafael blurted. “I mean, I don’t want to be stuck watching you for the rest of my life.” 

Blue eyes smiled up at him from under his too-long hair. “You’re stuck with me anyway, I might as well get something out of it.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go order a pizza. Okay with you, princessa?”

“Fuck off, Barba.”

“Love you too.”

Sonny’s laugh followed Rafael to the living room. He ordered a large pepperoni because Rafael knew even in his condition Sonny’s appetite would not be diminished.

He also saw they had a missed call from Liv and he dialed her number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Liv.”

“Barba,” She said. “How’s Carisi doing?”

“Lazy but alive,” Rafi responded. “We’re ordering in tonight. He’s bitching about the pain but it’s nothing he can’t handle.”

“Good, good.” Liv paused. “It’s nice that you’re over there with him.”

“Well, we are engaged Liv and I live with him.”

“I know,” Olivia sounded defensive. “Just that, you know, you guys have a good relationship.”

“What are you saying?” Rafael asked.

“Nothing. The squad here just wanted to make sure he was going to be okay. Call me if he gets better?”

“Yeah, sure thing Liv. Bye.”

“Bye.” Click.

“That was weird,” Rafael muttered to himself.

About 10 minutes later the pizza arrived. Raf carried the large box to their room with two water bottles—to Sonny’s disappointment, he wasn’t allowed to have alcohol—and found Sonny sitting up. “You found the energy to move your body ninety degrees. Congrats.”

“Shut up.” Sonny’s eyes lit up when he saw the pizza. “Food!”

“And water.” Rafael tossed a water bottle near him. Sonny frowned. “You’re not allowed alcohol, Dominick, and there is no way I am going against what the doctor told me. You’ve got a bullet holes in your body, and I don’t need you bleeding out on me again.”

Sonny rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He opened the pizza box and gestured to the space on the bed next to him. “Come sit, Barba.” 

Rafael curled on the bed with his legs tucked under him. Sonny looked at him funny. “You okay, Raf? You’re sitting straight as a ruler.”

Rafael nodded jerkily. “Just… thinking.”

Sonny pushed the pizza box at him. “Well, you look like you’re going to have an aneurysm. Less thinking, more eating. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“…What are you thinking about?” Sonny said after taking a huge bite

“Just…when we get married, are you still gonna call me Barba?”

“I mean, that’s your name. It’d be a little confusing if we were both Mr. Carisi at work, right?”

“Claro que si, you’re right”

They sat there eating for a while. Sonny put on a movie but Rafael couldn’t think about anything except how shiny the pizza grease made Sonny’s lips. They were attractive before, but now they were fucking addicting. Raf kept sneaking looks at them throughout the movie. It was a action film but nothing shook Rafael. Not when Sonny was next to him. Dominick Carisi Jr, his rock, his anchor, his everything.

Sonny, who was injured.

Rafael felt his bright mood slip a little and Sonny groaned. “Come on, papi, you’re bringing me down! It’s just a couple of holes. I’m gonna be fine.” He knocked Rafael’s shoulder with his fist. “But I need you to keep up a good attitude. Only one of us is allowed to mope about me being injured.”

Rafael ignored him and looked at the clock. “It’s been six hours, do you want more meds or are you fine without them?”

Sonny grabbed the bottle out of Rafael’s hands. “Fuck yeah, my shoulder is killing me.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “I’m very concerned for you.”

“I’m aware,” Sonny replied after he swallowed the pills. “Because you haven’t fucking smiled since I got shot.”

“I’ve smiled!” Rafael said indignantly.

“Yeah, but not a you smile. You’ve been smiling like someone is taking a picture and you have to fake it. A you smile is full of happiness and it goes all the way to your eyes. Why won’t you smile?”

“Because I have to look at my bedridden fiancé,” Rafael snapped. He ducked his head. “Sorry. It’s not your fault.”

Sonny put his head in Rafael’s lap. “S’okay. I’d feel the same way if you were hurt,.” A smile started to creep onto Rafael’s face and he continued, “I mean, I am the better looking one so it’d be more of a tragedy if something injured my face, but I think someone might miss you.”

Rafi laughed and from the dimples on Sonny’s face he could tell it was one of the “you smiles” that Sonny had mentioned. Raf tried not to think about how nice it felt to have Sonny’s head in his lap. “You’re such a kid, Sonny.”

Sonny hummed contentedly. “Can you run your fingers through my hair again? That felt good.”

Rafael stroked Sonny’s hair and his eyes closed gently. Raf was grateful that Sonny wouldn’t be able to see the blush spreading across Rafael’s cheeks. He could hear Sonny’s breathing even out and eventually the younger cop had fallen asleep in Rafael’s lap. Raf continued to pet Sonny; Raf didn’t want Sonny to wake up if he stopped.

Sonny was okay. Rafael repeated this phrase to himself over and over. It was obvious he was okay; Sonny had a smile on his face even in sleep and he’d eaten about half a pizza. Rafael was more worried now that he might accidentally hurt Sonny. There was really only one way that could end, and Rafael was not going to screw up his friendship or his engagement because he was dumb enough to hurt the sweetest guy in the world.

Sonny was relying on Rafael to take care of him as long as he had open wounds. Rafael couldn’t sleep with those thoughts running through his mind. He played over the scenarios one by one in his mind. Would Sonny have died if Rafael hadn’t seen him in the hospital? How badly would life be affected without his best friend? Were there any positives? Well, Rafael wouldn’t go to sleep feeling like bricks were pressing against his chest. But he might go to sleep in some other house, far away from his best friend. 

Not.

“Sonny, you’re gonna be the death of me,” Raf whispered to the room. “Gonna be the death of me.” His hands combed out the knots in Sonny’s silky hair. “You’re so wonderful, Son. So kind. Funny and smart and charming and witty. You make me smile even when I think I can’t. I’m not sorry I worry about you. I just want to make sure you’re safe. That’s what best friends do for best friends…” Rafael checked to make sure Sonny was asleep. “And I’ll always do it for you because I love you. Even when you’re lazy or you’re late in the morning or you whine or you eat everything in the apartment and I have to run out for breakfast I love you. I think I might even love you more.”

Sonny shifted slightly and Rafael froze. His eyes were still shut and Raf resumed his activity of carding his fingers through Sonny’s hair. “I wish I’d gotten hurt and not you. I don’t like seeing anything bad happen to you.” Sonny’s head pressed into Rafael’s touch. “Such a puppy, Sonny.” Without thinking about it, Rafael pressed a kiss to his temple. “Such a fucking puppy.”

It was around 2 am that Sonny opened his eyes again. Rafi had drifted in and out of sleep during the four hour period, always glancing down to make sure Sonny’s breathing was steady. When Sonny opened his eyes this time they were glassy with sleep and the affects of the medication. “Raf?”

Rafael rubbed sleep out of his eyes. “What do you need?”

“Baby, my shoulder hurts. And my chest.” Sonny was definitely a little out of it and Rafael pressed a hand to his head to make sure Sonny didn’t have a fever. Rafael let out a sigh of relief when he felt normal.

“I can’t give you any medication for a few more hours,” Rafael told him. When Sonny’s eyes turned sad Rafi wanted to take back the statement and do whatever he could to make the pain go away. “Can you sleep?” Rafael asked him. He resumed combing his fiancé’s hair and that seemed to relax him.

“Rafi?” Sonny mumbled.

“Yeah, Sonny?”

“You’re an amazing fiancé,” Sonny said. “You’re so awesome. And pretty.”

“Pretty?” Raf repeated amusedly.

“Yeah,” Sonny spoke with his eyes shut. “Especially your eyes. So green. And your lips… Raf, you’ve got the most perfect lips. They’re perfect for kissing.”

Rafael’s eyes widened. “Son, you should get some sleep.”

Sonny blinked but his eyes fell closed as he exhaled loudly. “I wish I could fuck you silly right now, Rafi. I wish I could. You’re my man, the love of my life. But I don’t…” Sonny shook his head in concentration. “I’m tired.”

“Go to sleep,” Rafael said hoarsely. The night was hardly turning out like Rafi expected it to.

“You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Of course.”

Sonny settled comfortably into Rafael’s lap. “When I get better we-…”

Rafael bit his lip and stroked Sonny’s back as he fell asleep. “We will have the best sex of our lives, other than our first time” Rafael murmured to Sonny’s sleeping form.

That night was very different than what Rafael was expecting.


	6. Chapter 6

It’s now March. Nearly a month after Sonny was shot. He’s getting better every single day. Rehabbing his shoulder and taking it easy at work on desk duty, he wasn’t necessarily cleared to go back so soon, but Liv figured with the baby coming in five months, Sonny may need any extra time he can get. 

Ever since they'd found out that Nikki, their surrogate was pregnant, Sonny had watched Rafael go baby-crazy. They'd be out for a walk and Rafael would suddenly start cooing over babies in prams. He'd drag Sonny into baby stores and spend hours walking around the aisles with a huge smile on his face as he checked out multiple cute baby clothes and even more adorable plush toys.

It wasn't that Sonny wasn't excited about this whole 'having a baby' thing so to speak. God knew that his stomach filled with excited butterflies every time he thought about the fact that his and Rafael’s child, their flesh and blood, was growing and developing inside Nikki more and more everyday. It was just that Sonny didn't even feel like this all was real yet. He didn't want to get his, and Rafael’s, hopes up in case something awful happened. He didn't know what the hell he would do if something bad happened when they were both so excited like this.

So, when Rafael would ask if they should buy this outfit or that pair of tiny little boots that, 'look so cute, Sonny,' he'd tell him to wait until they found out how big their of little bundle of joy would be before they dove right into buying tons of baby stuff. Thankfully, Raf would agree with a slight shrug as he set those tiny boots back down on the shelf in front of him without even a hint of hesitation.

But so far? Everything is going great. Today is a special day. Sonny is going to the doctor to rehab his shoulder and Nikki invited them to her ultrasound. Sonny’s rehab went great and his shoulder is regaining strength day by day. He worked up a nice sweat too, sweat stains around his collar, under his arms, sweaty hair and face. It drives Raf mad when he sees the gel coming out of Sonny’s hair giving it a more natural look. Sonny chugged a bottle of water as they left, his shoulder is now in a sling and he’s nearly off the painkillers. 

Nikki rolled up the hem of her shirt, slowly revealing her round abdomen, a life lying just beneath the skin. She couldn't help but stare at his stomach in awe, wondering if this was really happening.

"I'm going to place the gel on your stomach now, Miss Sanchez. It's going to be a bit cold" The radiologist said, her gloved hand pressing onto Nikki’s stomach, rubbing the gel around. She couldn't help but hiss in surprise at how cold it was, her attention quickly turning to Sonny and Rafael who were sitting next to her.

"Are you the father?" She asked, looking up at Sonny with a certain look in her eyes.

“They both are. I’m just their surrogate. I invited them today so they can both see him!”

The radiologist smiled, “Ah, my partner and I had a surrogate as well. It’s amazing what you’re doing for such a lovely couple”

At first, it was completely black and white, nothing really popping up. It almost worried Sonny before he could hear a little thump, and soon the silhouette of what was a tiny body appeared.

"Oh my god, is that..." Rafael trailed off as he let go of Sonny’s hand, moving closer to the screen to get a better look. His mouth was almost literally on the floor as he stared at the tiny body of his baby.

Sonny’s eyes stung with tears, and he didn't even bother to wipe them. That was his baby he was looking at.

“There’s your baby boy! See, he’s even sucking his little thumb. Won’t be too long now, about five months until he gets here” The radiologist announced, turning to stare at Rafael and Sonny, who were in shock.

"We're having a boy" Sonny said softly, the tears now falling down his cheeks and onto the green t-shirt he was wearing. Rafael nodded, his smile widening, and it wasn't the fake smile he practiced; it was completely genuine.

A few minutes went by, they stared at the screen, mesmerized by the life that was their son. They finally snapped out of it when the radiologist removed the transducer, the image of their baby going away. She printed off two sonogram photos, one for Sonny and one for Rafael. 

"Again, congratulations on your son" she took a wipe, rubbing the gel off of her stomach," Mr and Mr...”

"Barb-"

"Carisi. It's Barba-Carisi"

"Congratulations Mr and Mr Barba-Carisi". The radiologist smiled as she left the room. Rafael had a perma-smile on his face, he dug in his pocket and used his phone. He took a photo of the sonogram. Posting it on his Instagram, the caption read "Baby Barba-Carisi, coming soon. Love you already hijo <3"

Baby Barba-Carisi


End file.
